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By Scott VanDerveer

Every person alive is called by God to some purpose. God’s call is not just for some people; we ALL are called. Some people, though, sense a call to serve God and others through religious life. I believe that I am one of those people. I have spent lots of time and energy thinking – sometimes “stressing” – and praying about what kind of life would bring me the truest and deepest joy and manifest God’s dreams for my life. At this point, I think the answer for me is priesthood. There have been and continue to be many obstacles that get in the way of my being able to easily respond to God’s call. Perhaps you’ve experienced some of them also.

1) Fear
Nothing interrupts the joy of responding to an invitation like fear does.

What if I won’t be happy in this life?
What if I become lonely?
What if I can’t pass seminary courses?
What if I am not worthy of this call?
Who do I think I am, believing that God could call ME?
What if celibacy makes me feel empty?
What if I have to be obedient to someone I disagree with or dislike?
What if I can’t keep my vows?

The list of these fears is endless. They can cripple and paralyze us and rob us of confidence. One of the best remedies for fear may be remembering role models from our faith. Jeremiah didn’t think he had what it took to preach God’s word during the occupation of the Babylonians. Elijah never had a plan for surviving the wrath of Ahab and Jezebel. Martin Luther King, Jr. wanted to be a theology professor; he didn’t think he had the skills or drive to be an activist. These people had to overcome (or perhaps just ignore) the fear that gave them lots of sensible reasons not to move forward, so they could respond to God’s call in their lives

2) Busy-ness
Becoming a priest is never going to be right in your face as something you must do today. It will never take the top spot on your list of urgent tasks. Today’s deadlines, tonight’s dinner plans, tomorrow’s projects are always going to crowd out time for a retreat to pray about God’s call or to phone Fr. Walsh to set up a meeting.

John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” We are all in serious danger of focusing on the unimportant tasks of today to the detriment of our dreams.

3) Advice of Others
“Why can’t you just be a deacon and still have a career and family?”

“You could still help people as a teacher or counselor…
…Why do you need to be a priest?

Many well-meaning people have given me advice that hasn’t really helped me find clarity about God’s dreams for my life. What a person discerning their vocation really needs is a friend who can listen to what they’re feeling and help them to identify the places that they need to ask God for more direction.

I gained the most from the friends who said things like: “What I’m hearing you say is that you think that you really want to be a priest and that you can’t imagine having more joy in another way of life, but that you have anxiety about the process of becoming a priest. Am I hearing you right?” Those people were trying to hear what my soul was telling them and me. Unfortunately, a lot of people, even in their care and concern for me, just filled me with more trepidation by sharing THEIR OWN fears and concerns about the priesthood. I needed a companion to listen to my fears, not someone to burden me with theirs.

4) Waiting for a Sign
I never though I was one of those people who expected God to split the heavens and speak to me with a human voice. Somehow, though, when it came to discerning a call to the priesthood, I expected that if God TRULY wanted me to be a priest, then every decision I made would be crystal-clear and God would miraculously remove any obstacle in my path. Much to my surprise, my most anxious time in discernment was during the months between when I decided to move into the St. Isaac Jogues House and the day I actually moved.

You see, I thought that God’s grace was supposed to make the path easy for me. I thought if it was indeed the right decision, I would feel a surge of grace to confirm that fact. Instead I learned a huge lesson: For me, God’s grace came AFTER I took the step toward priesthood, not before. I didn’t feel a rush of peace and centeredness until after I moved into the House and made it my home.

As I said earlier, being called is not what makes a person special. Each and every baptized Christian is called by God to a unique purpose on this planet. What makes us special… what gives us the chance to be saints… is not in the fact that we are called. It’s the way we answer.

When I have a question about my health, I naturally go to the doctor’s office. Likewise, when my car starts to act up, I bring it down to the local mechanic. I know bringing myself to the doctor’s office because I am sick or my car to the auto mechanic will set me back a few bucks, but it’s worth it in the long run. Instead of waiting for the problems to get worse (and cost more!), I address the problems early on and go on my merry way.

Okay, enough with the analogies. I really want to talk about the role of spiritual direction in the life of faithful people, especially those men who are discerning priesthood. But if I can go back to the analogies for just one more second, I would really appreciate it. Spiritual direction is a lot like going to the doctor’s office if you are sick or the auto mechanic when your car’s engine won’t turn over. We bring ourselves and our property to specialist because we know that they can fix them. This is the same concept for spiritual direction – we bring ourselves (the good and the bad, and sometimes ugly) to a spiritual director, a person who is a specialist in helping us work through our spiritual life, and they guide us in strengthening our relationship with Jesus Christ.

You might be thinking right now that this sounds a little intimidating! After all, you are meeting with another person and revealing to them things you might not dare to tell anyone else. Well, give it a chance – after all, spiritual directors maintain a code of silence, much like the seal of confession, so it’s just between you and your spiritual director.

So, we know what a spiritual director is – a person who helps us order our spiritual life and get on the road to growing closer to Jesus Christ and we know that they don’t run off and tell all our secrets to their friends. This seems a little vague, so I would like to give you a more in depth look at a typical spiritual direction session for me.

When I first learned about spiritual direction, I felt a little uncomfortable of the whole concept. But my burden was lightened a bit when I found out that I could pick my own spiritual director. After prayer and some suggestions, I decided to confide in a diocesan priest whom I didn’t know before. I still remember my first meeting with him over two years ago. I didn’t just show up and start telling him everything about my life – I couldn’t do it and he didn’t want to hear it. Instead, we started slowly by building a relationship with each other. At first it was like meeting anyone else for the first time – simple small talk about life, whether it be experiences, hobbies etc. It was as if we were both in an evaluation period. I was gauging whether or not I could trust him with my spiritual life and he was gauging whether or not he could effectively help me. This happened for at least the first three or four meetings – and then it begins to take shape. Like a natural progression, the sessions became more focused on my relationship with God. This happens in at least two ways. The first is by acknowledging and cultivating those virtues which are strengthening my relationship with Christ. The second is acknowledging and working through those areas in my life which are roadblocks to my discernment and my call to follow Jesus. Every meeting is different because each time I bring my changing life to spiritual direction. Some days I have a burden which has been hampering my prayer life and some days I want to share an experience which has impacted my vocation and strengthened my resolve that Christ is calling me to priesthood.

What do I say when I am asked about spiritual direction today? It is essential. Not only to men discerning priesthood, but to anyone who is looking to deepen their relationship with Christ. It is a beautiful channel to get wisdom from a person who is connected with God. And this leads to my final point – don’t be afraid to be particular about your spiritual director. It may sound a bit selfish but it’s true – they are there to serve you. And in order to do so effectively, they must be prayerful and trustworthy.

I wish you the best in your discernment of priesthood and I hope that you find a spiritual director who can open your eyes to the tremendous possibilities that our Lord Jesus Christ has in store for each and every one of us!

Sincerely in Christ,

Brian Kennedy

As seminarians and discerners, each day at the Isaac Jogues house involves a great deal of prayer, study, and community life. Often, it is a challenge to find time amongst the business of the day-to-day hustle and bustle. In addition to this, each of us is also encouraged to find time for personal recreation and enjoyment outside of the house.
Like most people, we all have things we love to do in our free time. If they are healthy and human aspirations, they can lead to a healthy and well balanced life. One particular thing I have been attracted to is, X-country skiing. Not only is this great exercise, but it also provides me with an opportunity to experience the beauty and serenity of God’s creation. It is often the best remedy after a demanding week in school and a place of solace in a world that entraps us in noise. I try to ski at least once a week because it provides me with the wholesome energy I need to fulfill the demands of life.
Another thing I enjoy is developing my musical skills. Years ago, I learned how to play guitar but put it down as other demands took precedence. Recently I realized how much I missed playing and picked it up once again. I find great joy learning a new song and the sense of accomplishment as I see myself progressing. During evening masses at the house, we usually try to incorporate music into the liturgies.
Finding time for “normal” things may seem trivial; however they are necessary components of a healthy human life. Even if it is difficult to fit in, I always make sure I set aside a few minutes a day to relax or strum the guitar before the day is over. I find it is not counterproductive, but productive, because it gives me the energy and the strength needed to fulfill the commitments that God is calling me to at this stage in my life.

B.Slezak

By Scott VanDerveer

I have felt an attraction to priesthood for 15 or more years. I have had a variety of life experiences that have given the pull I feel toward this vocation ample opportunity to subside. Instead, I have found myself drawn even more powerfully as the years have elapsed.

I moved into the St. Isaac Jogues House of Discernment late last summer because I felt that had exhausted the value of discerning this call on my own and was beginning to spin my wheels. Although I currently live with Fr. Walsh and two seminarians, making me the sole discerner in the House, there are a number of guys that have lived here as discerners over the years. Some have gone on to the major seminary and are preparing for priesthood today. Others discovered that this was not the vocational path for them – at least at the time. Neither outcome is bad; after all the Church not only needs priests, but also needs faithful people in every vocation.

My day-to-day life as a member of the St. Isaac Jogues House community is filled with activity, ministry, growth and friendship. It has indeed given the traction for my vocational wheels that I was looking for. The purpose of the house is to give the seminarians and discerners living here a chance to grow in the four areas most essential for ministry as a priest: (1) development of pastoral skills, (2) deepening of spirituality, (3) study of our faith, and (4) ongoing personal growth. The schedule of the House is designed to help the residents grow in all four areas.

The difference between me and the seminarians is that they have already declared that being formed for the priesthood is their sole intention. As a discerner, I’m sharing in the lifestyle of a seminarian, while officially keeping my options open. The seminarians have already quit their jobs and are putting all of their energy into formation for priesthood; while I continue to work 9-to-5 (or in my case as a Middle School Teacher, 7:30 to 4:00) outside the House. While the seminarians are taking Philosophy courses at Siena College during the day, I am teaching Religion classes to 6^th, 7^th and 8^th graders at St. Pius X School in Loudonville.

Mornings

While our daytime schedules vary, the rest of our lives are very connected. All of us have our separate morning routines, but we all meet in the House chapel at 6:45 to pray Morning Prayer together. Afterwards we head up to the kitchen, where Brian, one of the seminarians, generously makes oatmeal for whoever wants it and we eat breakfast together. After breakfast I drive off to school, Fr. Walsh goes to church and the seminarians get ready for the day’s classes at Siena.

Evenings

Evenings follow a predictable rhythm of activity that helps us stay focused on the pastoral, spiritual, academic and human aspects of formation. On Mondays and Wednesdays, we cook dinner and celebrate Mass together. On Thursdays we have been learning Spanish with a tutor who is preparing us for ministry in our increasingly multicultural Church. Every Friday we pick a different spot to go out for dinner and drinks. Fridays give us a chance to relax at the end of the week and share more deeply about our lives, the call to priesthood and the highs and lows of the past week. While we might invite guests to join us at the House for dinners on a Monday or Wednesday, we reserve Fridays as a sacred “family time” just for the residents.

Weekends

As a discerner, I have been paired with a parish community to grow in my pastoral skills. At Immaculate Heart of Mary Parish in Watervliet, I have a chance to participate in a number of liturgical ministries, work with some of the parish’s small Christian communities, and serve on some committees. I worship with the parish three weekends a month, sometimes attending every weekend Mass, at other times focusing on another aspect of ministry. Fr. Ed Deimeke, pastor of IHM, is a tremendous role model for me and works hard to help me reach the goals I have in this ministry internship. He also invites me to spend one weekend a month at the IHM rectory, so I can experience a behind-the-scenes perspective of what the life of a priest is really like.

Breaks

We have Tuesday night free to rest, go out with friends, or do whatever else we like. One weekend a month is a free weekend when we may travel, visit family or just rest at the House without responsibilities.

There are times that the frantic pace of teaching full time and spending so much time on formation can be exhausting. It’s true that there are days when I feel overwhelmed by the fullness of my schedule. However, it’s also true that we in the House enjoy each other’s company so much, it doesn’t seem like a chore to spend time together. After all, I’ve been thinking about a religious vocation for 15 years and I finally have a chance to live with other guys who understand those feelings and share those same dreams. I don’t want to let a moment of the opportunity to “figure this out” go by.

For me, living in the House is what I needed to increase my confidence that this indeed is the path on which I am being led. As time in the House has gone by, my desire for this life continues to intensify and I experience increasingly deeper peace welling up inside me. God is good.